Evening Thoughts Pre-#5

To begin, the family friend I mentioned in the previous post is doing much better. She has a row to hoe but I'm not sure how long it is based on the sporadic reports I have received. When friends are ailing, the instinct is to rush to their side but having worked through this chemo process has given me new insight. My introverted side spends long hours pulling details from my past just in case they are needed so I want to give her the solitary benefit of that experience too. It is rather strange to take stock of your personal history considering I may have shuffled more than halfway through this mortal coil. Chances are very high that there is a lot more shuffling to go but a cancer scare can stop you in your tracks and cause you to feverishly contemplate all that has been. My extroverted side wants to share that peek at the abyss and the moment that life begins to get very wide and deep when length is threatened.

Speaking of lymphoma, I AM feeling the treatment. Not in a debilitating way but it is definitely affecting my stamina. Yesterday the weather was so nice, I decided to pull a wheelbarrow up to the house and start Spring clean-up. I removed an old satellite dish from the side of the house and ran out of gas. Boom. After 15-20minutes of removing bolts and screws, my hands were shaking and I couldn't grip. After a rest, I hauled the wheelbarrow back to the barn and returned to the house a little winded. This was a bit of a shock. To be brutally honest, I'm a little disappointed that it hasn't been harder. I really geared myself up for the fight of my life only to be surprised by how quickly my routine absorbed chemo like just another task. No big deal. Knock on wood. People usually comment on my appearance and demeanor because I don't look gaunt or withdrawn nor have I been totally derailed from my daily activities at all. I count myself lucky that my constitution has held fast and while writing this post, I'm actually getting a little nervous for some reason.

Two to go dammit.